The morning of Truman’s accident he woke me up wanting to make “pantakes” together. We didn’t have milk so I suggested premade waffles instead. (I can’t tell you how many times I have begged God to let me make pancakes with him again.) Even after I was finally able to make them for our other kids many months later – I grieved the pancake memories I treasured so much.
That morning I was distracted with some issues stemming from one of the kid’s sport’s team. In fact that was the phone call I was on when our world completely stopped. I hate that. I hate that I allowed something trivial to deceive me into thinking it was much bigger than it was. I thought it was important & became distracted from what was most important.
In her book best selling book, One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp says, “Wherever you are, be fully there.” I have thought a lot about this quote. How are you fully present here, when a piece of you is in Heaven?
The last couple of months I have struggled again with issues from the same organization I did 2 years ago. (Same song, different dance.) This morning as I was scrolling through my ginormous inbox of emails I came across an email regarding a recent disagreement between us that I thought was over. I got all worked up again & called Tim for my “You aren’t going to believe this . . . ” rant. (Poor Tim) While I was on the phone the boys asked me to make pancakes for them & their friends who had spent the night with us. I began to mix the batter when Tim ended his pep-talk with me, “. . . just let it go & make pancakes.” I ended our call & looked up to 3 boys proudly showing me their newest Lego creation – they built Truman’s name with orange Legos. There I stood realizing I was making pancakes for a table full of kids – physically there, but once again mentally distracted. Just like I was August 2, 2012. Had I not learned what is Tru-Lee important by now?
After Truman died it was very clear what was important in life. It was easy to say no, walk away from a disagreement, ignore what people thought of me, to stand for what I believed in, to focus on the moments at hand & not worry about the things I can’t change. How does time come along & blur that? How did I gradually allow the world to distract me AGAIN?
This morning I put my phone down & let the worries of tomorrow wait for tomorrow. I made pancakes.