It seems like it was just yesterday & a lifetime ago all at once. How that is possible I don’t know. But I do know, my God has remained just as present & faithful in our live as He was in those first few moments on our porch while holding Truman as he took his last breath on this earth. 2 years later I still stand & say that I know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him & I trust wholeheartedly that our son was called according to His purpose. I believe God has a purpose for Truman’s life. He does for all of us & although they are different paths, the end goal is all the same – HEAVEN. And Heaven isn’t just a place we go instead of hell. It is our eternal home – our promised land.
In 3 short years our little boy fulfilled his purpose & now his story continues to bring others closer to God. I don’t say that because I am a mom desperately searching for a happy ending – there are no happy endings when your child dies. Truman’s story has reached thousands of people – so many who didn’t know the Lord or who have been stumbling in their faith. I know there will be friends, family & even strangers in heaven because of Truman’s life (& death). As a mom, I am so proud of our little boy, but in all honesty I never would have chosen this path for our family.
The valley of the shadow of death is such a long dark journey. Many people have commented, “I don’t know how you do it.” I will tell you, it is only by the Grace of God. When I gave birth to my children, there was no doubt in those joyous moments where they came from (Psalm 127:3) “Children are a gift from God…” His presence filled each hospital room & His light shined in all of my babies newborn eyes. As much as I could feel His presence in the blessings of the best days of my life, I could feel it all the more in darkness of the worst days of my life. His light shines brighter in the darkness than in the light – perhaps that is because that is when we Tru-Lee need to see Him. Praise God for His faithfulness. As hard as it is to say, it is a gift not all will receive. (Psalm 34:18) “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
There are no words to describe the last 2 years. We have been so weak, but our God has been our strength. There have been lots of days I have wanted to give up, days I felt so hopeless. I can relate so much to Paul’s writings in 2 Corinthian chapter 4
Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God’s word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.
Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
Today marks 2 days before the 2 year anniversary of Truman’s Heaven day. 2 years ago today I was spending the last 2 days on this earth with my son. I will continue to share our journey with anyone who will listen – not for pity or attention, not even for comfort, but because our story has turned into a ministry. I pray our family is able to glow in the dark as witnesses to others on how good our God is.
It has been 2 years too long without our son, but a 2 years of feeling the Lord’s presence & experiencing His comfort like never before in our lives.