How? How is it possible? How is it possible to live . . . without one of your children? How do you stare at a yard with which still holds the toys, but not the one they belong too? How do you sit in a room with a dresser full of his clothes that he will never wear again? How do you sleep knowing there is an empty bed? How do you rise knowing you are rising without the one who once woke you?
I don’t know. I don’t know how it is possible. I don’t know how our hearts didn’t stop beating that awful day or all the days that follow. But more so one may wonder – how do you continue on – loving and trusting the one who was and is in control throughout? Beginning to the end? How do you love and praise God when He chooses not to intervene and you hurt and break more than you ever have imagined possible . How do I say, “God is good!” when I stood at the gates of Heaven, petitioning my God for my son to live, begging, desperately crying out, “NOT MY BABY!” . . . and He said no. How is that a good God?
Because this is NOT the end. This earth, these bodies, the life we are living – this is NOT THE END. He didn’t take my son away, He promised me eternity with him. 2 Peter 3:8-12
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare . . . But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.”
Living without my son seems impossible when my focus is here on the things I can see, but when I choose to keep my focus on God and stand on His promises the impossible suddenly becomes possible. God is good. All the time. And I cannot wait for my eternity with Him.