The things you say to a grieving parent – they penetrate deep into our heart. Once said, you can’t take them back. You see we no longer live in reality. Our guard is down & we take everything to heart.
Since Truman died I have bottled up all the crazy comments and actions of well-meaning people & basically just taken it. There have been plenty of times my flesh wanted to go off on a “well-meaning” person who was insensitive, too nosey, made a rude comment, past judgement on our family (or our grieving), or who gossip about details they know nothing about . . . the list goes on & it isn’t pretty . . .
I’m a talker. I talk too much. I know this. I also know that when it comes to areas I really know nothing about – I don’t pretend to. When people try to tell us how to grieve it is probably the most hurtful of all comments made to us. Please don’t say you know how we feel, you don’t. Please don’t tell us we are doing this wrong. And to even attempt to say, “If it were me I would . . .” Because it isn’t you. Be thankful it isn’t. Praise God you don’t know. Even if you have been through something similar you still don’t know. I don’t care how many classes you have take that you think qualify you. I don’t care how many books you have read. I don’t care what your personal experience with grief is. Nothing prepares or educates you for living a life without one of your children. Nothing. And it never gets easier – just more manageable. But when you come along & impose your expertise you set us back & all the strength we have worked so hard at building is stripped from us with your well-meaning words. Well intended, but very hurtful words. I wish you knew, but I am thankful you don’t . . .